The method you choose to respond to unwanted behaviour must be in keeping with the nature of the behaviour and be appropriate to the child’s age, stage of development and needs. By being aware of the factors which can trigger undesirable behaviour we can, where possible, eliminate many of the potential problems and, the ones that we can not prevent, we can at least understand.

It will be much easier to respond to a child’s unwanted behaviour if you are armed with an understanding of the circumstances and factors which have provoked the negative behaviour; for this reason supervision is paramount!

By responding to the situation in a calm manner you will show the children that you are in control and not them and that negotiation is a more suitable option to diffuse the situation rather than shouting or violence.

The best way to deal with unwanted behaviour is to use positive, preventative strategies. By anticipating potential sources of danger or conflict and eliminating them, together with ensuring that children are well supervised and have interesting activities you will be well on the way to creating a positive environment for children to thrive in. However one thing is certain – children are not angels! They will play up at some time and resort to some type of unwanted behaviour periodically.

Methods of intervention to be used when a child displays unwanted behaviour

• A firm “NO”

• Using eye contact and facial expressions

• Explanation of what will happen if the child persists in showing unwanted behaviour

• Removal of the toy or equipment

• Time out

A firm “NO” – most children will respond well to this verbal expression and will usually understand its meaning from a very early age. For this command to work well though, it must be used sparingly. Saying “no” to a child continually will result in frustration and testing of the boundaries. They will begin to think “Well, what can I do?” when you have told a child “no” it is important that you explain to them why they are not allowed to do it and that you mean what you say. Never allow children to continue showing unacceptable behaviour or persuade you to change your mind. Saying “no” coupled with the appropriate tone of voice and facial expression can be very effective.

Explanation of what will happen if the child persists in showing unwanted behaviour – children should always be made aware of the consequences of their actions. Explaining the consequences underlines the importance of the rules and sets clear boundaries. Never make idle threats. If you have warned a child of a consequence and they continue to show unacceptable behaviour then it is paramount that you carry out the sanction you have imposed. By threatening sanctions that are unjustified or can not be carried through you will undermine your own authority and confuse the children.

Removal of the toy or equipment – this should always be used as a last resort. Children should be allowed to rectify their behaviour initially, through compromise and warnings, before the toy or equipment is removed. By removing a toy or equipment before giving the child the opportunity to rectify their behaviour you will have taught them nothing. They will not know why you have taken the object away from them and will probably move on to another toy and continue with the same unwanted behaviour. For example if a child throws a toy across the room and you refuse to allow them to have it back, the child will simply pick up another toy and do the same thing. How are you going to solve this problem, by taking away all the toys? You should say a firm “no” initially coupled with an expression of disapproval. If the behaviour persists, and the child is old enough to understand, then an explanation of why it is not acceptable to throw toys indoors. For example the toy may hit someone and cause injury, the toy may break something, or the toy itself may be damaged. If you remove a toy or equipment from a child because they are displaying unacceptable behaviour and refuse to cooperate, it is a good idea to find the child something else to do to prevent them from creating another inappropriate situation elsewhere. If appropriate, try offering the child the opportunity of going outdoors to throw a ball as an alternative to throwing a toy indoors.

Time out

Time out is not the same as isolation. Isolating a child is not an effective method of behaviour management, and children should never be put in a room and left alone. Time out is similar to removing toys or equipment in that it deprives them of something that they want. Time out allows both the child and the adult to calm down and take control of themselves. This method of behaviour management is particularly effective for more serious misdemeanours such as destructiveness, violence, swearing, rudeness etc. A few minutes in “time out” should be long enough to diffuse the situation.

Time out is more appropriate to older children who will respond more effectively to being removed from a situation they are having difficulty with.

Time out should never be coupled with using a “naughty chair” or “naughty corner”. These are forms of humiliation and they will not help to calm a child down but will merely encourage anger and resentment. Time out is not a punishment; it is a way of getting a child to calm down and to step back from the problem. Offer reassurance and sympathy when talking to the child and remember that emotions are powerful and often difficult for a child to control.

Ignoring the behaviour

Whenever possible ignore a child who is exhibiting unacceptable behaviour. They are usually acting this way to gain attention and the best thing you can do is refuse them the attention they are seeking whilst they are behaving in an unacceptable manner. By giving a badly behaved child your attention you have effectively given them their own way. The attention that they receive may not necessarily be desirable but it is attention nonetheless. If possible, walk away from the child or busy yourself with a task that means you are taking no notice of what the child is doing. If a child sees that their unacceptable behaviour is having no affect on you they will quickly move on to something else. A child who is acting disruptively for example is usually doing so for a reaction. He may be looking to shock you, annoy you, upset you or anger you. By ignoring this behaviour you are refusing to allow him to control the situation and he will quickly realise that his efforts are in vain. Obviously there are times when ignoring the behaviour or walking away from the child will not be an option; if for example their behaviour poses a danger to themselves or someone else or if you are in a public place at the time. This is when distraction comes into its own.

Distraction

Distraction can be a very useful form of behaviour management when all other methods fail. A child who is causing a scene because she wants a toy that someone else is playing with can have her behaviour successfully managed by the use of distraction. Failure to get what she wants could result in a tantrum however, by distracting her and getting her interested in another toy, you can help to diffuse the situation and avert the problem.

Play therapy

Play therapy is an ideal way for children to act out situations that cause anxiety and stress and which may lead to problems with behaviour. It provides a child with a way to release strong emotions in a safe environment and in a non threatening way.

Play therapy can be used in a number of ways such as:-

• Physical play – kicking a ball about outside or running around a playground are good ways of releasing pent up energy which may turn into anger or frustration

• Play dough and clay are good for kneading when feelings of frustration are threatening to take over

• Role play such as hospitals and schools are good for expressing anxiety and fear which a child may experience before a hospital appointment or a change in schools

• Books are an excellent source of information on a huge scale of topics from bereavement, visiting the dentist, dealing with a new baby, moving house, starting school etc

Six effective steps to promote positive behaviour in children

• Be consistent – mean what you say!

• Be a good role model – children copy what they see and hear!

• Use praise and rewards – children love to please!

• Ignore bad behaviour whenever possible

• Use “time out” to diffuse the situation

• Apply sanctions whenever necessary

Whatever strategy you use it is important to make the children aware that it is the behaviour they are displaying that you do not like and not the child themselves.