Creating Independence

Teenagers & Bullying

Bullying is a type of aggressive behaviour which causes profound distress to the victim. Bullying is very serious and should never be ignored. Attacks do not have to be physical in order to cause lasting harm and to seriously undermine a child’s confidence or self esteem. Often verbal abuse, taunting and intimidation, can be just as hurtful and distressing as an actual physical attack. Persistent verbal harassment and ridicule can result in a child becoming withdrawn and may lead to self harm or even suicide.

The most common place for a child to suffer at the hands of bullies is at school. Many children suffer bullying at school from time to time and “fall outs” amongst friends are not uncommon in any age group. However it is when these misunderstandings are blown out of proportion of when a child is picked on for no apparent reason that bullying can become very serious.

Not every disagreement with a friend will result in bullying and children “make up” as often as they “fall out” and this is, of course, all part of growing up, finding ourselves and being allowed to make choices and have opinions., however you need to be attentive to the changes in your child and look out for any possible signs of bullying.

It is important to remember that some children try to hide the fact that they are suffering at the hands of bullies as they think that by complaining or drawing attention to the problem it will make things worse and they will suffer repercussions. No child should be made to suffer in this way and the feelings and torment that victims go through as a result of bullying can be long lasting and extremely damaging.

Children who are being bullied need reassurance. They need to know that the adults they confide in will take them seriously and help them to resolve the situation.

Bullying can be social, psychological or verbal and can take the form of:-

• Threatening behaviour
• Theft of possessions
• Damage to property
• Racial insults
• Sarcasm
• Teasing
• Intimidation
• Name calling
• Spreading rumours

Bullying hurts. Whether the child is being physically harmed or experiencing name calling and taunts the actual feeling of being bullied is very hurtful. The victim will feel:

• Scared
• Upset
• Worried
• Helpless
• Worthless

They may also feel as if no-one takes them seriously and that they have no-one to turn to or talk to. It is at times such as these that some children feel so alone and so utterly despairing that they start to self mutilate and may even attempt to take their own lives.

Although some children will tell you directly that they are being bullied others will try to let you know is a more roundabout way such as by saying that they don’t want to go to school or they no longer want to go to a certain club.

Other possible signs of bullying include:-

• Unexplained injuries – these could be a sign of physical harm either by a bully or self inflicted.

• Ripped clothing.

• Frequently “losing” possessions – this could be a sign of having had their possessions stolen by the bully.

• Often appearing hungry – this could be a sign of having their lunch or lunch money stolen from them by the bully.

• Complaints of illness such as tummy ache and head ache – children often feign illness to avoid having to go to school if they are being bullied.

• Being physically sick – this could be as a result of worry or may be self inflicted to avoid having to go to school.

• Showing aggressive behaviour which is otherwise out of character for the child.

• Suffering from troubled sleep or nightmares.

• Bedwetting.

• Becoming withdrawn.

• Regularly asking for or stealing money – this may be requested from them by the bully often to avoid recrimination.

• Attempting to self harm.

• Deterioration of school work – if the child is usually hard working and does well in class but suddenly starts to lose interest and their school work is suffering you should be concerned.

• Regression – thumb sucking, rocking, comfort behaviour etc. is often a sign of uncertainty in a child who does not usually resort to this type of behaviour.